Smokemon

For those of you out there that don’t get this week’s comic, please click here for the explanation. I guess the real question is: What does one use to quit Pokemon? Smoking? Drinking? Abstinence?

This is one of those weeks that I’m really glad I don’t work in the retail business anymore. It is one thing to listen to obsessed fanboys going on and on about how much they love their system, but to get it from two sides in the same week, well, that should be illegal. Seriously, can you imagine working an eight hour plus shift and having to hear about Mario Kart and Grand Theft Auto all day long? It’s enough to make a person wanna kill someone.

For the consumers out there, do yourself and the game store employees a favor this week and don’t act like a douche. Be polite, be cheery, and don’t act like a prick. They don’t want to hear another Wii joke and they don’t care how excited you are to run over some hookers and "cap some bitches". Between the months of preorders and barking from their ignorant district managers, they have heard enough of the bitch-capping. Also, do not use acronyms when buying your games in an effort to sound cool or different. I wouldn’t bring this up if I didn’t have ample experience in the field to back it up. Please you only the following Dover-approved greetings:

"Hello. I would like to pick up a copy of Grand Theft Auto for the Xbox 360/Playstation3."

"Hello. I would like to pick up a copy of Mario Kart."

You see what I did there? No need to for the 4 or Wii in the titles. No need to say MK or GTA; the store isn’t the fucking Internet or a text message, thus negating the need to shorten your speech. Don’t ask for their friend code/Gamertag/PSN ID. These people don’t know you and don’t want to play with you. And for the love of all that is holy, do not ask if the racing wheel is included with Mario Kart.

Now then, if there are any employees reading this, I have a few suggestions for you too:

• do not ask the customer if they want a discount card
• do not ask if they have trades - you should be able to see any tradeable games in their hands
• do not ask them to pre-purchase something
• do not ask them if they want the strategy guide, that’s what the Internet is for
• do not recommend the larger collector editions of GTA IV

I worked in the gaming retail world for a long time and had a lot of loyal customers at my location. These people would buy or not buy games partly based on my recommendations. They did this because they trusted that what I told them was honest and true. I always adhered to my beliefs even when the store was supposed to be dictated by the egregious number tracking that my District Manager and Regional Manager shoved down our throats. The truth is that if you treat a customer as a person and not a statistic, you can maintain greater sales over a longer period of time and maybe even make a few new friends in the process. It worked for me and it can work for you.

- Dover