I’ve been told that I have a very bad first impression.

The obvious response is "blow me," but most people take that the wrong way. Is it so difficult for people to detect sarcasm? Or am I perhaps so natural in my delivery that my words sound too believable?

So just in case you ever run into me at a convention or something, just try and remember that I’m not a complete ass. I’m just screwing around with ya. As a tip, if you listen to what I’m saying while watching my eyes, you can suss out the sarcasm easily.

As for this week’s comic, it goes without saying that I played far too much Legend of Zelda as a kid. As I’m typing this, I realize that I can probably escort you fine folks through level five with nary a wrong turn. I feel that mad skills like these would be useful on a resume or miscellaneous personal information for online dating sites, but end up hurting me instead. Socially speaking. What can I say? It’s an unfair world.

- Dover

Hello all! Stankzilla here, and I am putting my two cents on the page about a li’l game called Soulcalibur IV. Fight club all freaking day baby! But as my fellow brood already know, this game’s meat for Philbert is gonna be the deep character creator. SC4 gives you so much freedom it almost feels like you’re working with the actual design toolset, and for me that means putting 40 or so mega-busty Amazons in the arena anytime I feel privy.

I know, I know. I’m just another pervy gamer who wants boobies to jiggle on demand, but at least I’m not in denial about it! Besides, "physique +50, muscularity-24" makes for a stunning female combatant! Speaking of which, I still have about ten character save files remaining, and times-a-wastin’! Hollllaaa . . .

- Philbert